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  • Writer's pictureRadiantDarkness

Balancing the Power of Inertia


I am stuck frozen in time and feel like I'm not moving. There is massive resistance inside of me. They had "something" together, yet it was based on all that I label as morally devoid of loving and harmonious behaviors. No matter what they felt, the love between them will always be soiled with the internal judgment of their own intolerance. I am clearly not inside their head, but am I not a reflection of their own morals? If someone's love creates such pain in another, is that really love? In the complete and utter abandonment of love, can love really emerge out of deceit?

Speaking of reflections, the fear of telling others should indicate that you know your actions are flawed, no? You can sit within yourself, and you know what those close to you are going to say. If you can't tell them, doesn't that mean, deep down, you know what you did is "wrong"? If you were proud of it, you would freely share. Since it makes you feel shame, then you hide. I urge you to ask yourself this: do you share your embarrassments with others? Do you hide shameful actions you performed from even your inner circle? You are the ultimate judge of your existence. You see everything. Even if you hide it from everyone else, you know what you did.

There are so many people who don't know what happened still. I hide it to protect myself and protect those who were involved. It has created this wall of division between us. They don't actually see the real me. They see who I am comfortable revealing to them. But that's not who I am. I feel like it's not my place to say, even though it is my life, after all. The truth will always reveal itself; that's what I tell myself, at least. If I were to reveal this to her family, it would seem poisonous. I don't want to poison anyone's consciousness with my sorrow. I'm hoping her penance is in finding forgiveness and absolution from friends and family. There's a constant holding back, and all that extra internal steam is starting to boil my blood into a frenzy of anger.

Since I'm young to this essence of newfound knowledge of why I'm here, I can smell the fear on others. They fear themselves mainly, and through that, they fear me. I hold great power to make a choice between manifestation, preservation, and destruction. The same way I destroyed "me," I can destroy anything in my path, if I am willing. So I guess, for now, I choose to preserve what I know won't last. In part, this is holding me back from who I need to be as I need to be done with all of this. Would people rather me hide in my own dark illusion again? Was it better when I was a shell, with no emotion, lacking empathy, snappy and irritable, and self-destructive? Can't they see this is how I need to be? I don't want to shelter the rest of the world from who I really am anymore. Now there is light born out of the darkness, which makes it seem even brighter. The dark shadow still surrounds my soul, but I refuse to let it rule my domain. I know it's not wise to reject the dark forces, as then there would be a lack of harmony, and I would lose balance once again. As long as I remain aware of its existence, then I can maintain a sense of control.

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