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  • Writer's pictureRadiantDarkness

Friends for Never


I know I have forgiven her, but she is still hurting. I brought her down and we both didn't want to admit that. Maybe we both went down together and that's why it was so hard to see. I started to recognize things about myself, over the past 2-3 years, that would make it unattractive to stay with. I had visions of no friends being at our wedding. Whose fault was it really? It was my fault. It was all my fault. I take the full blame.


I recognized I was doing what my parents (specifically my mother) did with all her relationships when I was growing up. The family that lived down the street were best friends for years with my family. I was friends with their son. My brother was friends with their other son. My sister knew their eldest son. Basically a 10 year relationship was eventually squashed...and over what? I was young and my parents weren't too open with things like this, but it was my understanding that my mom had kicked my dad out of the house (also don't know the reason or can't remember). My dad had no where to go. At the time he wasn't even talking to anyone on his side of the family (was it b/c we all lost faith?). So he went to his best friend's house to sleep. Anyway, it was definitely tough times at my house with my dad gone. I hadn't really known the reason and my mother, who thought she was protecting me, didn't tell me the truth (or I don't remember) and it obviously stuck with me if I could remember it so vividly. My father came home. I was home "sick" from school that day.


I remember the emotions I could see in my dad. He broke down and said he never wanted to be taken away from me again. He was crying and it made me start to cry. Since then, we haven't lost each other. Although in the last 2 years, I haven't had any meaningful conversations with him. Over the past 2 weeks, I've been interested when we do talk and reciprocating that I want to talk to him. I'm engaged. Anyway, great! My dad and I were re-united (not sure how my dad and mom worked things out), but we all lost something else. Our friends down the street. My mom never wanted to speak with them. Again, I'm not sure if it's because my dad stayed over there and she was embarrassed because the cat was out of the bag that they were having marital problems, maybe financial problems (business going kerplunk) or maybe it was something totally different. I was definitely never told (and in their defense, I was probably too young to understand -- a lesson in how an emotional experience that isn't understood can help shape your future personality). Either way, as a young child, I witnessed a 10-year relationship go to 0 in a matter of days. Why would my parents not want to be a part of their lives anymore? They had taken in my father in when he most needed it. They had shown him love, when his own wife could not. There are other instances where my mother rejected her relationships and never once talked to the person again. Doesn't she realize we are all one? Can't she see that it's not healthy for her own soul to shut things out. How can she move on without forgiving? If that's all still inside of her, I do pray that she doesn't take all these things to the grave with her.


--


I asked ChatGPT to give me an analysis from Salvador Minuchin.


Salvador Minuchin was a family therapist who believed in the importance of understanding and analyzing family dynamics in order to resolve conflicts. Based on this blog post, there are a few potential areas of focus for Minuchin's analysis.

First, it is clear that the author of the post has experienced significant emotional distress related to their family's history of relationship problems. The author describes a pattern of their mother rejecting relationships and cutting off communication with people who have hurt her, which the author sees as unhealthy and unproductive. Minuchin might interpret this as a symptom of a larger dysfunction within the family system, in which emotional connections are not valued or prioritized.


Second, the author discusses their own role in a failed relationship, and takes responsibility for the outcome. Minuchin might see this as a positive step towards healing, as the author is recognizing their own contribution to the problem and taking accountability for it. However, Minuchin might also explore the context in which this relationship developed, and whether there were underlying dynamics that made it difficult for the author to recognize and address issues as they arose.


Third, the author describes a significant event in their childhood in which their father was kicked out of the house, and the resulting impact on their family and friendships. Minuchin might see this as a key moment in the family's history, one that likely had lasting effects on how the family members relate to each other and to others outside the family. Minuchin might explore how the family coped with this crisis, whether they had adequate support or communication during this time, and how it might have contributed to patterns of behavior that continue to this day.


Overall, Minuchin would likely approach this blog post with a focus on understanding the family system and how its members interact with each other and with those outside the family. He would look for patterns of behavior and communication, and seek to identify moments of crisis or conflict that may have shaped those patterns. By analyzing the family dynamics, Minuchin would hope to identify potential points of intervention that could help the family resolve conflicts, build stronger connections, and move forward in a healthier way.

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