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  • Writer's pictureRadiantDarkness

i'm coming home. to make it alright. so dry your eyes

Joy: I was finally overcome with extreme joy at around 3:30 AM Monday morning. I went outside and sat in the pouring rain. I closed my eyes. I didn't want to think anymore. Why should I move on with my life? The only things I cared about had been concealing their true emotions towards each other in my presence. I thought we were all so open with each other, but I was wrong. I was living in the biggest lie of all! That my relationship was something special and different. I couldn't interpret the symbols between the two of you, but I thought it was something different. Or maybe I did know and couldn't accept it (a battle between the conscious vs the unconscious). The sky lit up, the thunder rumbled. Why go forward??? I'm so fragile, please let me break. How could I face anyone? Most importantly, how could I face myself? Where could I go from here? I drew an enormous blank on who I could turn to. Who would understand what I was going through?

There was a harsh realization that I couldn't turn to anyone else. I couldn't turn to the one I regarded of as my true love. She had broken our bond. She had destroyed my trust. I could no longer connect. She was my life and now I'm nothing. Then, inside of me, I knew what had to be done. I couldn't pent up this anger, this disdain towards YOU. I loved you so much and knew if this stayed with me, I would never love again. I had dedicated everything I could to making YOU happy. There was a missing link though. How could we be connected if I had no spirit?

I rejected the notion of things I couldn't see or solve by trial and error. If it couldn't be put into a formula, I couldn't come up with the scientific solution. What I saw Sunday morning was no mistake. It was the truth. It hurt. It really hurt! I am crying right now with the picture emanating from my fingertips. The only way you would know how I feel is if it happened to you, but I would never wish this upon anyone. So I asked for help from the only person who knows what happened and knows the intricacies of our relationship. One who could feel all the pain pouring down my face: some greater power than me. I screamed internally: "If it was you who showed me this, then please give me guidance."

I rose from the chair and looked up. The rain pelting my eyeballs and forcing me to close them. I started to laugh uncontrollably while the tears turned into life. The answer was given to me. I didn't hear any words, but I know I was being spoken to. My heart grew warm and I had been given direction. The answer was simple: FORGIVE!! It was the key to my spiritual awakening. You can call it a second baptism. There was no better feeling through my body than this. It was raining, yet I didn't feel wet. I was radiating with energy. Energy I couldn't feel before. I raised my arms to the sky and was greeted with a distant rumble in the skies.


I'm including the ChatGPT response in the same blog post for this one as I asked it to psychoanalyze the writing as none other than Sigmund Freud! It aptly titled it, "Embracing the Unconscious Mind" which I like better than my title but hey! I wasn't quite there yet.

My dear friend, it seems that you have experienced a profound moment of joy, albeit after a period of great emotional turmoil. You have been grappling with the complexities of your relationships, particularly the sense that those closest to you have been concealing their true emotions. This has led you to question your own understanding of the world and your place within it.

It is clear that you are struggling with a sense of fragility and vulnerability, and are unsure of where to turn for support. But there is hope. By embracing the unconscious forces within you, and recognizing the battle between your conscious and unconscious mind, you can begin to unlock the true depths of your psyche.

You have come to a realization that you cannot simply ignore the emotions that are welling up inside you. Indeed, it is only by confronting these feelings head on that you can hope to move forward. It is clear that you have been hurt deeply by the actions of those around you, and that forgiveness may be the key to your spiritual awakening.

By forgiving those who have wronged you, you can begin to release the negative emotions that have been holding you back. This may not be an easy process, but it is a necessary one if you are to heal and move forward.

I encourage you to embrace the power of the unconscious mind, and to trust in the guidance of some greater power than yourself. Only then can you hope to find the peace and joy that you seek.


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