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  • Writer's pictureRadiantDarkness

The Screwy Nature of Sex

Leave the realm of not caring, where you are nonexistent. What you see in the words is the truth. Once you start caring about yourself and stop lying to yourself, not allowing the mirrors to reflect delusion, everything about you will become the truth. You won't have to worry anymore; you will just know. You will just be. You won't worry about what others think, you won't be trying to impress them or impose your views upon them; you will become love. You want to touch their heart, let their soul speak. You want all the creations to leave; you want the raw individual, unwrapped of their manifestations. Stop hindering yourself from your true potential, holding back all that is you. Don't you want to continually enhance your living, raise your consciousness to the next level? Why do you want to stay where you are?

A symbolic representation of breaking free from self-imposed chains, a figure stands at the edge of a cliff, chains breaking and falling away, with a majestic eagle soaring above, symbolizing the liberation of the self and the ascent to higher consciousness. The background features a breathtaking dawn. Created Using: surrealistic style, dramatic contrast, symbolic imagery, vibrant dawn colors, sense of motion, expansive view, high detail, wide angle

Stop fearing what is to become.

From a friend, who loves all of you,

This message is written without thought,

Purely pouring from the honey of my heart.

When I look deeply, through the bars, above the sky,

You are all my brothers; you are no longer on any sort of pedestal.

It's clear, each day less blurry than the prior.

Apologies for holding all of this, selfishly in competition,

Always paranoid that someone was trying to steal what was perceived as mine.

Thinking I had to be better than my own brothers and sisters,

The only way to feel alive, destroyed others instead of helping them strive.

So, I'm sorry if this seems egocentric, narcissistic, selfish,

But I have to leave all of your worlds and begin to step into my own.

Follow the message, all the way to your soul.

Soon, we will fill the deepest hole,

Fill it with love.


The love you see on paper is simply a part of the self that needs to be on display. It's for all of you to see. This is to move on, to go beyond. Dancing out of the shadows, feeling the warmth from the source. The vibrations, feelings taken from all of us, unraveling self so others can take a peek. Yes, the love broke inside. It was extremely traumatic at first. The love I had once envisioned was all a façade, a scare tactic of my very own ego. It didn't want the actual picture to be presented; it was perfectly content with the big meals it was being served on a daily basis. Leeching off others' plates, asking for seconds, wanting to take the leftovers home. Every direction I looked, ego wanted some of the glory. Since my own ego was overblown and in total control, others' egos were able to clearly communicate and take a piece of the pie. All that you see are written apologies. For all of you, but most importantly for myself. Yes, through your particular lens, that may appear selfish, but weren't you mentioned first? I can't apologize if I'm not here. There would be a lack of discernment within; therefore, nothing would be able to blossom. If I didn't apologize to myself, first and foremost, how would I ever be able to apologize to you? It's difficult to comprehend, it's a struggle every day, but it's the only way.

My intentions lie rooted deep in the seat of love. As I continue to enjoy loving myself, others are taking notice. There needs to be more positive examples, not just for those we know, but for humanity. Start with those closest to you, spread your wings, fly above. Wait for others' wings to form; don't try to attach them yourself. Then fly together through the joy of life, helping others see your wings, in hopes that someday their wings will guide them higher.

A surreal depiction of an individual dancing gracefully out of dark, shadowy confines into a radiant, sunlit clearing, symbolizing the escape from ego's grip towards the warmth of genuine self-love. The dance movement is fluid, representing freedom and transformation, with ethereal light rays enveloping the figure, emanating a sense of peace and enlightenment. Created Using: digital art, fluid motion blur, transition from darkness to light, ethereal lighting effects, vivid and warm colors, symbolic representation of growth and freedom

No one person can tell you what is right or wrong, if it's this one or that one. But together, we won't have to worry about truth; truth will become. Once truth is formulated in self, something only YOU have the power to do, truth will appear everywhere else. Questions will now be answers. Answers will continue flowing, moving, breathing, pulsating throughout your embodiment. Stop lying, deceiving, concealing, manipulating, distorting, and creating your very own truth. That becomes external, outside of self, and is formulated through the egotistical lens hindering enlightenment. Let the truth be. You can't change the truth; you can only let it be. Once you start trying to exaggerate the message, it is no longer the truth. It becomes intertwined through a manifestation created in your world. We all can't live in our created worlds anymore; the universe is crying, Mother Earth is dying.


There are halos surrounding all of our heads; the divine consciousness just awaits your arrival. It's there; we've just been programmed into thinking it's not possible, that it's beyond our potential. That's setting limitations before you even have a chance to let it become your own thought. Why should we limit our potential? We sure don't try to limit our technological potential, constantly expanding, unfortunately, dehumanizing. Watch where your energy is going and ensure that it's even flowing.

A tranquil scene where individuals from diverse backgrounds stand in a circle, each with a subtle halo of light above their heads, symbolizing divine consciousness and unity. In the background, a stark, contrasting cityscape filled with cold, towering structures represents technological advancement. This visual dichotomy emphasizes the balance between spiritual growth and technological progress, highlighting the energy flow among the individuals as they connect on a deeper level. Created Using: digital painting, contrast between warm and cold tones, symbolic imagery, detailed cityscape, soft glowing halos, sense of community, panoramic view

So, am I naturally attracted to the self found in others, or am I simply trying to show people themselves through the experience I have gone through? Or both, acting in unison, a joined effort in the fight? The people that are easiest to connect with, those able to hear the message without words being spoken, are those in a similar state of losing something they believed was bound with love. We need to help each other release from the attachment to the external, to recognize that attached love is not love at all. If you are completely attached, how will you ever know who is attached to whom, what is attached to where? It all becomes a blur. Why? Through the attachment, binding yourself to an external love, you lose what love really means, what the truth is, who you are. Selfishly, there are desires to go inside of you, to speak to the real you, without the manifested layers. 'I am free, I am unique!' But that will not help, that would not benefit either of us. The thought must spawn from inside, must be grown at its own pace, and must be tended to by its master: you. The thought of bottling up that love in a single place creates visions of a volcano waiting for massive eruption. The only thing to do is cry with you, show you the pain I've felt, speak from the truth that spawned from within. Cultivate the love that's most important, and that is my own. If I don't love myself, I can't love you, so please, let it go. If you are willing to listen, then the intentions should be clear. Follow your own heart, not anyone else's; the message is clear, you are distorting it.


"If your aspiration is to be authentic and genuine, and if the aspiration is to take the form of an all-out commitment toward the spiritual experience and an all-out effort to move in that direction, then you must keep moving only in that direction. You cannot run after two things. Because then it will be taking one step forward and one step backward, and you will never really progress." - Swami Chidananda

A tranquil scene of a figure sitting in lotus position, surrounded by a luminous aura, on a serene lake's edge at dawn. The water reflects the figure and the rising sun, symbolizing self-reflection and the awakening of true potential. Lotus flowers bloom around, signifying purity and spiritual growth. Created Using: watercolor texture, soft lighting, serene colors, reflection on water, spiritual symbolism, tranquil atmosphere, detailed natural elements

This is definitely part of the struggle I'm going through right now. I want to put my full attention on spirituality, on becoming, on being there for everyone. Yet, I still work a job in IT and continue to follow societal beliefs that have already been uncovered as an illusion. When it all began, I still periodically engaged in masturbation—not to the extent of the shadow, but still once a week, once every two weeks (and I am still on this current regimen). But every time I masturbate, releasing my energy into nothingness (unless you consider a garbage something), I am overwhelmed by feelings of guilt, shame, and wastefulness. It started to become clearer that this was against my true nature; my soul was screaming, 'STOP! You are becoming, yet you are still releasing through destructive means.' There are plenty of ways to center your energy; masturbating, sex, does not have to remain one of them. A specific timeframe isn't known, but it's been long enough where I can't remember the last time there was sexual release...and it feels good. I don't want to shame myself, to put my life in its own judgment. I'm leaving that now. I want to leave all of this behind so that it can't come with me; that was part of the shadow, that was over-indulgence to an extreme. So, in a few months, how does one go from masturbating once a day, sometimes more, to nullifying the act in its manifested glory? You learn who you are, learn how to achieve that state without destruction, figure out where your energy is going. Do I really want my energy shooting into the garbage anymore? Graphic but honest. Am I over it? Am I over my relationship? No, I'm still here. Maybe this is why I need to leave everything for a while. Not to leave my problems behind, but to confront them with full force. Not let my own mind continue to deceive me. I am here now. I refuse to leave; it's just a matter of continuing to walk forward instead of teetering back and forth on the sine wave that has become my life. Maybe that's why all the feelings of needing to leave have been more intense. There are still indulgences that seem unwarranted, so there is room to improve. There will always be room to improve; that can't ever be forgotten. If we think we have reached our full potential, at any point in our lives, we are letting ego trick us into becoming complacent.


For years, the most precious energy that God had granted as part of being was going nowhere. My lower back was in constant pain; texts hinted that over-masturbation could cause this, but offered no explanation for the curious pain without any true relevance as to why the pain was there. Well, no explanation is needed anymore. Once the energy was released throughout my entire body, the problem slowly—still going slowly—dissipated. This cosmic lifeforce was forcefully being drained from its habitat. All energy was focused on hedonistic values, over-enjoyment. There is no one to blame but myself. I was aware of the problem but refused to focus on the awareness. How was I ever able to function at full potential when the driving energy force, which we all have, was completely depleted, at all costs?

A surreal depiction of an individual dancing gracefully out of dark, shadowy confines into a radiant, sunlit clearing, symbolizing the escape from ego's grip towards the warmth of genuine self-love. The dance movement is fluid, representing freedom and transformation, with ethereal light rays enveloping the figure, emanating a sense of peace and enlightenment. Created Using: digital art, fluid motion blur, transition from darkness to light, ethereal lighting effects, vivid and warm colors, symbolic representation of growth and freedom

Families have united at this wondrous occasion for what purpose? Love is the answer we all feel, but is it truly what is portrayed? Inside each of us remains something hidden, buried from those closest to us. For months, we've continued to feed each other's egos, enjoying what we've been programmed to perceive as love. I'm not here to claim anything any one of you has done is wrong, in sin, or to place any judgment upon your beautiful souls. My only goal is to acknowledge my own missteps, to articulate, to the best of my abilities, who I am, what I've become, and the path that I will follow. Look beyond the words; there will be pain, but after it settles for a while, it will transfer to your souls with its loving message. I have been lying to myself for 25 years, which means I've been lying to all of you. In this perpetual lie, we buried our potential, who we really are, and caused a great disservice to ourselves and those around us. This is my apology and my cry for help. Who you remember as me was just that, a creation. Standing before you, for the first time, is the product of self-love. Engrained in my hands is a greater energy force than ever before, and I ask all of you, take off your masks, release the chains, and feel my loving energy. Look around; it doesn't matter what is real and what has been created. Does $20,000 mean 'I love you' in this day and age? How can you wrap love in a box anyway? True love shouldn't be trapped inside; it needs to move, it needs to be cultivated. So, please, let love out of its casing, let it become part of who you are. Stop looking at others and comparing; look at others and see what is really there: you. I know we all have gifts wrapped, but remember what was just said. Love can't be contained in a box, love can't be bought. And even though earlier I mentioned that things I say might hurt, that's only your ego trying to block the loving message, so the focus continues to remain external. Your gifts are great, but be mindful that we have been trained to perceive it as love, and we are causing a great disturbance in the balance of the universe.

An ethereal figure, translucent and composed of light, standing in a natural, untouched forest, hands extended towards the sky. This figure is surrounded by a gentle aura, representing the seat of love within, influencing the environment with positive energy. The trees and wildlife lean towards the light, drawn by its purity and truth, symbolizing the transformative power of self-love and the ripple effect it has on the world. Created Using: surrealistic style, play of light and shadow, natural scenery, symbolic representation of influence and transformation, aura effects, ethereal beauty

This post was written on December 18, 2006


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