When sadness strikes, it is sage advice to completely dissolve yourself into the sadness. Feel it seep into every pore of your body. Allow it to transfer through every single cell. This way, it doesn't stick with you for too long. The sadness is distributed throughout your entire essence and isn't flushed into the unconscious. You keep it conscious until it's resolved. There is no avoiding it. It becomes you in that moment. You aren't simply feeling sadness; you become sadness. Instead of questioning what the root cause of the sadness is, embrace it for all it's worth. It's sending your physical and mental bodies a message; do not reject it. If you do, it will create another barrier that needs to be removed at some point. Once you recognize where the sadness is stemming from, where the pain lies, it could transcend into happiness and joy. If you know what bothers you, it is conscious. It is under the bright light of attention. With it exposed under the light, you could let it go. Not into the closet of the unconscious, but dissipate into the ether. Once you let it out, there is a cathartic release. It will undoubtedly help future you deal with an even sadder experience. It will make your happy experiences happier.
It's elementary, but what's making me sad is the abundant rolodex of male numbers my ex-girlfriend has received since our split. It's a competition of courting. I feel bad for her and sad at the same time. The situation is exaggerated in my mind, that I'm aware of. It really doesn't matter. I feel like most of them aren't out to catch up over a cup of tea. There are underlying intentions with her newfound freedom. Those intentions are masked by courteous conversations. Maybe that's what women want: attention, from all angles. Maybe not? I'm not a woman. What I do know is that our love has made me emotionally attached to her. Her extreme abandonment of our love is still destroying me. It's not easy to admit that I am still more sensitive than an exposed nerve. She was able to fluidly move on, and I'm left to suffer. Mentally, I've forgiven all, but emotionally, I'm stuck traveling in circles. When I do see her, I'm not even sure if I'm feeling pain or love. I believe it's both. It's love expressed as pain. I cry tears of painful happiness.
This post was written October 25, 2006 and edited August 18th, 2023