The below was written after going to a meditation workshop for what I remember as the first time. I didn't directly speak to anyone but felt apart of the community, as if I had always been there. Paraphrasing the teacher, Manorama, She said meditation was like going on a date with yourself. I interpreted that as to make the intention to truly listen during meditation, not to the noise but to the silent whispers I've ignored for years.
So, the sage meditation ceremony celebrated the core of consciousness. And the question that remains must be shared with spheres of love that won't fasten the locks on the straitjacket. This is a question from my heart, for those who were able to give a part of themselves to ensure there were enough seeds for proper growth. Tonight, for the sake of all who refused to let the devil keep his hand over my eye, the body will rest, but the keystrokes of love will not relent. There is no more fear; the path of love has been uncovered. Everything written remains without intentions. What rests in each and every word is a part of the self, that needs to go anywhere but into the draw box of repression.
This is for my family. Not just males and females, but the entire kingdom of Earth and beyond. You have all helped create what I have become. Each and every one of you is responsible for the love that flows throughout the millions of cells making up the body.
Once life rapidly transformed from constraints manifested in the guise of love to becoming love, there were instantaneous thoughts of aloneness. Being born into a society that favors unselfishly loving everyone, instead of loving oneself, there is the instant programming that instinctually goes against the essence of our beings. How can we properly love each other if we refuse to love ourselves? That's how ego tricks you. If you go on worrying about self, there is the mind to tell you that it is selfish, which has received negative connotations in this perceived context. We are intentionally presented with delusional caveats of love in an attempt to spiral self into a fit of an indefinite illusion. There are a myriad of mirrors intricately positioned to deflect the true nature of the manifestation, which inherently becomes the perpetual perception of true love. How can there be truth if there isn't love for self?
The question may not actually be a question at all. This particular ceremony meant more than four years of college. There is no mistake; love has found its home. The opening of consciousness has led to a deeper understanding of what needs to be done, who we are meant to become. There is great reservation, a mental constipation. There is an inclination that some of this journey will be difficult to chew, hard to swallow, maybe just an earthly manifestation. But life is presented in many different ways; there are innumerable doors to the unknown. This is but one that should and could remain closed for the length of eternity.
How do you say, one of my gurus happens to be a plant, that we sat together in eternity? The sage (plant), along with the gurus throughout my prior existence, was willing to sit forever until the burning question was answered, "How do I wake up the psychology inside?" The question could be changed to any number of paraphrases. My societal schooling rested in psychology, so that's probably why that exact word was used by the guru, because in my world, that was relatable. This went on and on and on and on. It took longer than life itself. Each and every fault of the current existence and past existence began transcending into the only message the guru needed to teach: it freed earthly desires.
This post was written on December 12, 2006.
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