Reflections on Unity, Salvia, and Awakening

"If the world and the divine are two, then they cannot be put together. If they are not really two but only appear as two, only then can they be one. If your body and your soul are two, then they cannot be put together. If you and God are two, then there is no possibility of putting them together. They will remain two." (don't remember where I got this quote)

The difficult task is not understanding that you are one with God and everyone else is one, making everyone connected, but the hard part is keeping God a part of yourself. Until you start recognizing the vices in your life that drift your soul further from God, there will never be true unification. There might be blips, pieces, parts, but never the full becoming. Now that there is more awareness of the sins I've been living through, there is extreme sensitivity when even the slightest aberration from the pure occurs, leaving a deep scar in my now awakened soul. It could be one cookie or masturbating two times in a week. Even though they may seem crazy to others or normal to some, I know within myself that I want to leave that. I want to be able to embrace it, though. It can't be left; it's a part of self. At the same point, the part that it was is extremely unpleasant and takes me back to unhappy moments of existence. How could I use these destructive habits to transcend something more positive out of life?

There have been many revelations referring to the last few months of my life. The psychedelic trip, which was thought to be triggered by just the combination of shrooms, weed, and general uneasiness, was catapulted and guided by Salvia divinorum. I should have known earlier because part of my higher state of consciousness, part of it was searching for Salvia, looking for the root cause. Well wait, that WAS the root cause. Funny how you remember things. I've read over a dozen Salvia experiences, spoken with someone in person, and everything I've read or heard is eerily similar to my experience that night. There are also other inclinations that this was truly the Salvia essence rearing its beautiful consciousness (because I had asked her a few weeks back and refused to really accept what was being given). So, the slide used for Salvia hadn't been used since the night of polar awakening. Immediately after taking the hit, something said, 'Salvia' ... but it was kind of blown off because I was just messed up, thought my senses were extremely sensitive, and I was completely aware that I had used that slide for Salvia about a month earlier. What I DIDN'T know was that it is recommended to use a specific piece for Salvia and NEVER to use it for anything else. The reason being: my exact situation. You could be catapulted into an unforeseen journey, where no one really knows what you are going through, including yourself. So, what felt like eons, millenniums to me, was about 3-4 hours in real-time. I went from different times to different dimensions, down to reality (once or twice) - I even snapped out of it for about 5 minutes, had a normal conversation, then must have slipped right back out of normal consciousness. What others saw was an extremely disturbing sight - my soul had left my body; I was completely gone. They only saw a blank stare; they had embarked upon one of the most intense 20 years of my life (although it was only 3 hours). They heard sounds they never thought a human could make, saw someone without control. If we had just known I was going through a Salvia-induced vision quest, it would have made it easier on everyone in the beginning. Salvia is meant to be done in a quiet setting where interruption is minimal (non-existent is optimal) - they were constantly trying to talk to me, trying to "snap" me out of it... well, I wasn't there, and they kept bringing me back down to earth, then I would shoot back out, then back down, then off - finally, I think I was semi-aware and someone had gotten me to lay down. Once I lay down on my back, everyone was content and it got quiet. This is when the true journey began. My body was able to rest, my eyes were closed, and the transcendence to the above and beyond was imminent.

I can't tell where it starts, where it ended, everything that happened, but that's only because it's so far in the past now. Originally, I had demystified Salvia in my brain, said it was never to be done again, and that I was not going to touch it because it was evil and had no place in my life. This was because I was afraid, afraid of what my mind wasn't letting my soul say. Envisioning my next Salvia trip (there will be one), I see myself extremely happy, prepared, surrounded by at least one person I love dearly, and who I trust my life with. It will have to be when my mind is clear, when I'm able to meditate without the use of some type of entheogen. In this completely relaxed state, I might take the liquid on the tongue, as a test of my own tolerance, to embrace this lovely consciousness flushed by salvinorin. Should there be fear? Maybe a little, but fear will only limit you. Even having high expectations will cause limitations. I feel somewhat responsible for people around me experiencing the drug, yet not really experiencing its complete potential (or not even dusting off the cover). No one wanted to take the time to really caress the Salvia consciousness. Everyone has many issues they probably need to absolve before entering the Salvia dimension. Another reason there is no fear is the simple fact that the worst didn't kill me; it actually helped me understand what my life's purpose is. It helped, and is continuing to help, piece my life back together. When it fell apart is hard to pinpoint, but after this experience, it began to reformulate into something greater than my shadow life could have ever imagined.

Before going to Tool, Salvia was my main focus because it had started to become apparent that I had entered that realm, unbeknownst to any of us. Yearning for information leading to better understanding, trying to give myself peace of mind. Never once did I think I "flipped" out or was "possessed," but I also wasn't accepting that Salvia played a role... kind of glad that ended up being the actual answer. Breaking with reality isn't something that would have been easy to deal with... obviously, I wouldn't have dealt with it; I would have just lived a different life than what I was accustomed to. But then enter Tool - a band for some reason I never put the effort into going to see, knowing they are amazing, and being told their live show is something out of this world. Out of this world is the perfect description because a good majority of the artwork, the spiritual lyrics, all helped me better understand the Salvinorin story. The visions on the screen were someone else's, yet similar to my own. The lyrics were clearly reminiscent of everything I have gone through over the past couple of months. It all related to the third eye, to the awakening. What I do with all of this newfound knowledge rests in my hands. This knowledge has to become part of self so it can become part of my teaching to other people. Not that I necessarily have to "teach" people, but just in conversation, it will be apparent through my sudden shift of focus to more important things. I've lost my competitive drive, which is a good thing because it means I'm letting go of something that was directly hindering my closest relationships. When I play games, I genuinely don't really give a shit if we lose. I'm used to winning. This is teaching me losing.