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  • Writer's pictureRadiantDarkness

Spider Mushrooms Continued

Effervescent love bubbling out of shadow darkness egoism, awakening, enlightenment

A day later, the remembrance of the psychedelic trip struck again. Once the door swung that wide open, it looked like it was swinging on its own. Randomly, my normal waking consciousness swung to a dream while I was wide awake. I would blip, seeing visions of "godliness" or idealizations that I internalized through archetypes as god. I had created a part of myself through these ideals by observing and mirroring the actions. It's an interesting phenomenon to remember how your personality was created into its current form. I'm watching experiences shape something that isn't visible, at least not under normal circumstances. I would hear the booming laughter of one of my brothers and recognize it as my own, being laughing at my mind.

The visions were colorful keys to the door, enabling me to leave the imprisonment of my mind. I was able to live without contamination. I was living as a pure soul. It had been there all along. For weeks now, my ego had been trying to refortify its kingdom of illusion after it was shattered. That's why I had been forgetting. As the ego reformed, it was trying to bury the soul. The visions were experiences that were originally all cut up through the guise of time, but now they were flowing together, and emotional surges were making my physical body shake.

Stick finger in electrical socket to awaken electricity of soul love

The catalyst for this was witnessing the emotions of someone I regarded as a brother and seeing their experience of my pain. We didn't speak of anything. We didn't utter a word of significance to each other. It was the look on his face. It was a broken smile. The feelings seeing this were exactly the same as right before I lost touch with my body during the psychedelic experience. The same emotion awoke the flashback, of sorts. Only this time, instead of resisting and battling the fruitless battle with death, I fully embraced it. I looked death right in the eyes and accepted my pain. I attracted it, after all.

It is the most powerful thing I've felt without sticking my finger in an electrical socket. Although it was painful to my mind, my soul knows it as love. How would I feel this pain if there was no love flowing in, out, and between us? Without love, this wouldn't hurt at all. So you see, this was how I tricked myself to click into actualization. I attracted the worst possible experience, as interpreted by the feeble mind, to awaken the sacred experience. How do I get everyone to understand? If I reveal nothing but the truth, I will be blurring the barrier between you and me. I will be letting a part of myself go to get closer to you. Although the ego feels like it's dying, I am being reborn, over and over again. As my soul enlightens, my ego darkens. Before, it was the exact opposite. My soul was contaminated with the darkness of the ego's shadow.

A christmas tree crying because it's empty of love

One tear is more powerful than one hundred presents under the Christmas tree because then I know we could be back together with glee. This love is not stagnant nor dormant anymore. It is a constant untapped flow. It is changing, morphing, growing, and subsiding, but it will never leave. I can say this now because I will never be alone. I will be present with myself. I will never go back down into the depths of externalized love. I'll never stop loving myself, and as long as I'm loving myself, the world will love me. It's easy to recognize someone who loves themselves as opposed to someone who loves to self-destruct. There are endless memories of self, of the ego-driven self that was destructing the soul. Feeding the ego, suffocating the soul. Feeding the soul, letting go of ego. Instead of feeling empty inside, there are constant flowers blossoming along with new and fruitful thoughts. Letting go and surrendering has helped me feel not more special to the next, but see that we are all the same, boiled down to the root. At some point, I lost the connectedness to everything else. I was given the power to love. All humans contain that right.

The golden ticket on the amusement park ride of amorous enchantment of love

Technology works to make life easier, but it ends up making us not deal with the real issues. It numbs our mind because at some point, we stopped wanting to feel and live a life of materialism. I am guilty of this. Most have been guilty. This is where our power lies, though. If we could break out of this, emerge as humans again, then we'll begin to reconnect. It's hard to fight the ego. It's hard to fight this illusory creation of self. It's what everyone is avoiding. We are driving on the highway as fast as possible and missing all the beauty flying by. As we continue to destroy the natural ecosystems of Earth, it seems like most people turn away and let it continue.

So I am choosing to share this information as the truth of my experience. It's what most aren't willing to discuss. It hurts. It's painful. But the intention behind it is loving. I want you to see that I am an alchemist. I can spin any interpretation of the ego into love. I am the golden ticket to the roller coaster of life. Flick the switch and turn ON.

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